City of Angels
I can’t deny that I always leave LA feeling much better than when I arrive. I think there’s an energy there that just refuels my soul. It could just be the sun though. Seeing my friends, family and my dog always fills my heart up too. I had such a nice holiday over this past Christmas and New Years and I came back feeling more alive than I have in a long time. It gave me some perspective getting away from my life in London. The vibe is completely different and so are the people. Both places have so much to offer and I’ve stopped trying to defend either one because they’re not for everyone. Being away made me think of how I’ve lived my life in LA, who I spent my time with, how I spent my time, and it made me consider what I want with my life moving forward. I can’t deny that sometimes it feels like the universe is working against me, but it could be my fear and self-doubt. The constant gray cover does not inspire much hope either, especially in January, but it’s made me think. If I am uneasy at the moment, what can I do to improve the circumstances?
I’ve spent so much of my life doing the same job day to day and it’s only recently inspired me in the last few months to go try to create the life I really want. I had been so unhappy at my previous positions in the last couple of years that I thought, what could be worse than feeling like this? So I started my own company, which still feels like a scary thing to just work for myself, but it felt like it’s time. I had always planned to go this route at some point, but it brought up so much trepidation. Once I realized that I had no choice but to just do it, I thought, what had I been so afraid of? Failing. Why? Because it won’t work out, but of course it won’t work out if I don’t try.
Growing up, both of my parents always worked for themselves, so I always saw that as an option, but something a lot less secure, since it can be a scramble to find clients, let alone good ones. For a while I was content with working for tech companies and building myself up as a user experience designer. With the stress and anxiety I've experienced over the years, it's forced me to consider what I like, how I like to spend my time, and what I’m good at. All the remote working made me realize I need to focus on those things. Well, what does that mean? For the first time, I’m actually considering putting myself out there more by doing a podcast, and applying for speaking gigs. AHHH. I know it sounds cliche, but I’d love to find other ways to not only express myself in ways I feel comfortable in, but share my experiences on another medium. But stay tuned and let’s see what’s to come.
