Hot tea, comin' up
I recently finished The Artist's Way course, which has opened my eyes in many ways. The way you spend your time reflects what's important to you. I used to spend a lot of time doom-scrolling on social media, binge-watching series, reading about events or people on Wikipedia and more. But now I realize that I could be doing things that I enjoy or that make me feel creative and actually inspire me to make or do something. It's completely fine to do more passive activities, of course, but how much of your time is spent that way? Are you spending time doing things you love? Or are you just sitting around watching TV to numb yourself? I used to do that all the time.
During the reading deprivation week (of The Artist's Way), which means no reading whatsoever, no articles, no messages from friends, no books (only work messages), I discovered how much time I spend text messaging people. It's too much for me. It's like a constant barrage of messages I have to reply to and sift through. I've always preferred an old-fashioned phone call. You can catch up, connect with someone, and then I don't feel the need to keep chatting and having subpar and at times meaningless interactions. I get so overwhelmed by notifications that sometimes I just want to chuck my phone in a bush and revert back to a flip phone.
It has been a time of self-discovery and healing. I wonder if there will ever be a point when I stop healing or try to peel back more layers of myself? I have realized that taking breaks and actually doing nothing makes me feel more connected with myself. My mind is constantly racing and trying to think about my next move, what I will do in the future, things that happened to me, or holding desperately onto memories. I used to hold my breath, waiting for certain things to align so I could finally be happy. But after reading The Power of Now, I realize it's my choice to be happy, right now. It always has been. Life is not just about big moments but also about the little ones that happen every day.
I'm so tired of reminiscing about old times or wishing for things I'm not even sure will be good for me or make me feel good. Being grateful means not constantly waiting for those "if this happens, I'll be happy" moments or wanting to relive the past; it's being content with where you are and what you have. You are never as alive as you are in this very moment. All the other good times you've had have already happened. Be here. Be present. Don't let past versions of you control how you feel about yourself today. At least that’s what I’m trying to remind myself most days.
